As wonderful opportunities to bring our family together and share love, birthdays and celebrations can sometimes become stressful, particularly when two family members don’t have the best relationship. Our reader, Sandra, has sought our advice as her husband requested her daughter to skip his birthday party since his own daughter was planning to attend.

Here is Sandra’s letter.

Hi,

I have a 15-year-old daughter, Katie, from a previous relationship. I’ve been married to my husband, Adam, for 9 years now, and he’s been raising Katie as his own daughter since she was a child. Our family is usually happy, except when one person is around Adam’s oldest daughter, Willa.

Willa is 17, and she and her mom (Adam’s first wife) live in another state. To be honest, I find it a big relief because Willa tends to bring drama into our family and often clashes with Katie.

Adam rarely gets to see his daughter in person, but they’re constantly in touch. This year, Willa happens to be in town for his birthday, and naturally, Adam has invited her to the celebration party we’re throwing at his favorite restaurant.

Of course, I don’t mind it. Everything was fine until yesterday when my reality got crushed. I found Adam in Katie’s room, secretly whispering to her so I wouldn’t hear.

Adam was asking my daughter not to attend his party tomorrow because Willa was coming as well. He explained the reason for his request, saying that he’d like to avoid any unpleasant situations that could arise between the two, given that this has happened many times in the past.

He added that he never gets to see Willa and promised my daughter that he would make it up to her with another celebration between the three of us the next day.

I was speechless but also quite frankly furious. In my fury, I called the restaurant and canceled the party. I haven’t told my husband any of this yet, and he still thinks that we’re going tonight.

Maybe I have overreacted, but quite honestly, I am still heartbroken and a little angry. Any tips on how I can deal with this situation would be greatly appreciated.

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